Hey. Hey, you. Yeah, you. The one with the keyboard. Im so glad you clicked on my book. I wrote it so youd read it.

Now, heres where Im supposed to say all kinds of hip, Whoopi-esque stuff to get you to buy it. Clicking on it is just the first step. Buying itthats a whole other contract.

So this is when we seal the deal, when I tell you, in my own inimitable way, how uproarious and provocative this book is, how out there, and cutting edge, and whatever else I can think to throw into the mix. Or, I could say things like, Not since War and Peace... or Move over, Alice Walker... or This book does for the written word what Pat Boone did for heavy metal....

Well, come on now. Lets face it, if this book were all those things, itd be a novel, and I wouldnt resort to such low tactics. Youd just buy it and move on, or wait for someone to turn it into a movie. So Ill give it to you straight. This book doesnt suck. Itll make you laughmaybe not out loud, but in that place deep down where you know a good joke when you hear one. Itll make you thinkalso not out loud, because, you know, thatd be a little strange. Hell, it might even get you to reconsider a few things, and consider a few others for the first time.

You can take this book to bed, or to the beach, and it wont ask you to swallow, or rub lotion on its back. It doesnt cost a whole lot of money. And (best of all!) its collectible. Buy a fewone to read and a couple more to set aside for your retirement, cause these suckers are gonna go up in value like nobodys business. Trust me on this. One to read, and a couple more to set aside. You wont be sorry.

And neither will I.