Back to school. These are the happiest days of your life
when your kids go back to school. It is the most popular
course in adult education.
Some mothers try to sneak their kids into school early
by lying about their age. The school nurse has to examine
the children for vision, hearing and stilts. I can remember
my own first day at school. My mother came with me
because I was chicken. The principal tried to keep my
mother and send home the chicken.
The school nurse stuck a paddle down my throat, which
was unnecessary. She was so ugly I would have thrown up
anyhow.
I was proud of the box I kept my pencils and erasers in.
I had a beauty, with a secret panel for chewing gum. I
didn t chew myself, but I pushed gum with other kids in
the class. That s how I won the roll of honor for deport-
ment. The rest of the class had chewed themselves out of
the running.
For the first few grades in public school I majored in
syeophancy. I was the teacher s pet. When she told the
class to sit up, I was the only one that begged.
I brought my teacher a rosy apple every week. By the
time I reached grade four I had learned that hard work
and self-discipline were the way to get ahead if you
couldn t steal apples.
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