Based on a landmark longitudinal study, the nation's leading expert on stepfamilies reveals his breakthrough findings and offers the first detailed guide to easing the conflicts of stepfamily life and healing the scars of divorce.
There are more than twenty million stepfamilies in America.For most of them, the simple, daily issues that challenge every family are even more anxiety-provoking.After conducting a comprehensive nine-year-long study funded by the National Institutes of Health, Dr.James H.Bray has written an invaluable book that explains why over half of all stepfamilies fail and reveals the strategies that help the others succeed.
A stepfamily is assaulted on all sides by difficult and often divisive questions.How much control should a stepparent have over a stepchild? How much authority should a nonresidential parent exert over a child? How should a difficult former spouse be handled? How does an "ours" baby change the emotional dynamic in a stepfamily? Why is there a lack of "honeymoon effect" during the first years of stepfamily life?
The purpose of Stepfamilies is to answer all the important questions of stepfamily life--to fill in the knowledge gaps that undermine so many stepfamilies today and, crucially, to learn the effect of stepfamily life on children.Based on one of the largest and longest studies of stepfamily life ever conducted, Stepfamilies interweaves the stories of real families to illustrate such study findings as how:
a stepfamily has its own natural life cycle
a stepfamily takes several years to develop into a family unit
a stepfamily is at greatest risk during the first two years
a stepfamily ultimately coalesces into one of three forms
a stepfamily must solve four basic tasks in order to succeed
a stepfamily can help heal the scars of divorce
Filled with emotional, gripping stories, Bray's findings pinpoint the three major transitions in stepfamily life and identify the riskiest issues that can throw a family into crisis.Bray is the first to identify the several distinct forms that stepfamilies take and to explore which types of stepfamilies are more vulnerable than others and why.He also describes the natural life cycle of stepfamilies and basic tasks all stepfamilies must undertake to succeed.With a wealth of insight into the positive effects of remarriage, Bray shows how a loving, well-functioning stepfamily can lessen the trauma of divorce and restore a child's and family's sense of security.
Most stepparents remarry with the highest hopes and new resolutions for a better life.Never before have their unique needs been addressed in depth. Through insightful case studies and practical advice, Stepfamilies reveals how a strong, stable stepfamily is as capable as a nuclear family of nurturing healthy development, of imbuing values, of setting limits and boundaries, and of providing a structure in which rules for living a moral and productive life are transmitted, tested, rebelled against, and ultimately affirmed.Bray's positive message and fascinating findings--many of which defy intuition--will put stepfamilies on the road to lifelong harmony.
From the Hardcover edition.
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从语言的运用来看,这本书的文字功底极其扎实,但绝非故作高深。它兼具了古典文学的韵味和现代叙事的简洁有力。作者在遣词造句上展现出惊人的精准度,仿佛每一个词语都是经过千锤百炼才放置到那个位置上的。尤其是在处理那些极度情绪化的场景时,作者并没有诉诸于堆砌形容词,而是通过选择那些意料之外却又无比贴切的动词和名词,达到了“四两拨千斤”的效果。这种克制的美学,令人叹服。更重要的是,本书所探讨的主题,虽然植根于特定的社会背景,但其核心关乎人类共通的情感困境——如何平衡独立自我与集体归属的需求。它没有提供廉价的“心灵鸡汤”,而是呈现了解决问题的复杂性和艰巨性,这使得整部作品具有了持久的生命力。每当我合上书本,那种回味悠长、久久不散的思考余韵,就是对这部作品最好的褒奖。它不仅仅是提供了一个故事,更是留下了一整套思考问题的新框架。
评分阅读体验上,这本书给我带来了一种久违的、如同在深夜里独自漫步于一座历史悠久而寂静的城市的感觉。那种氛围感是如此浓厚,以至于我能清晰地“闻到”故事发生的那些地方特有的气味。作者对细节的执着,近乎偏执,但正是这些近乎奢侈的细节描写,共同构筑了一个饱满而立体的世界。例如,对特定季节光影变化的捕捉,对人物在特定情境下习惯性小动作的刻画,都使得角色摆脱了“纸上人物”的扁平感,拥有了血肉和呼吸。我特别留意到,作者在叙事中很少使用明确的道德评判,而是将判断的权力完全交给了读者。我们被迫成为场景的目击者和最终的裁决者,这种“被信任”的阅读体验是非常宝贵的。它要求我们付出更多的注意力去观察、去推理、去感受,从而使得最终的理解更为深刻和个人化。这本书更像是一面高清晰度的镜子,映照出的不仅是故事中人物的困境,也折射出了我们自身在面对亲密关系时的犹豫与勇气。
评分这本书的节奏掌控简直是大师级的。它并非那种平铺直叙的流水账,而是像一首精心编排的交响乐,有慢板的铺陈,有激昂的快板,更有在不经意间突然出现的休止符,每一个停顿都恰到好处地积累着张力。我尤其欣赏作者在处理时间线上的手法。它不是完全线性的,而是巧妙地穿插着回忆的碎片和未来的预兆,这些看似零散的信息点,最终在接近尾声时如同万花筒般精确地组合起来,揭示出一个令人拍案叫绝的完整图景。这种“延迟满足”式的叙事策略,极大地提升了阅读的快感和智力上的愉悦感。而且,书中关于情感联结的描绘,突破了传统意义上的浪漫化表达。它探讨的是那种更为复杂、更具建设性的“陪伴”的意义——那种在日常琐碎中建立起来的、不依赖言语的深刻默契。读完后,我立刻产生了一种冲动,想要重新梳理一遍自己过去与重要的人之间的互动记录,去挖掘那些被忽略的、隐藏在表象之下的真挚瞬间。这本书的价值,在于它赋予了我们重新解读生活的能力。
评分我是在一个周末的午后偶然翻开这本书的,原以为会是一段轻松的消遣,没想到却被它那近乎冷峻的现实主义风格牢牢地攫住了。作者的文风犀利而精准,仿佛一位经验丰富的外科医生,毫不留情地剖开了当代家庭生活中那些最隐秘、最令人不适的角落。它没有试图去粉饰太平,而是毫不回避地呈现了代际差异带来的巨大鸿沟,以及当两个看似独立的生命世界被迫融合时所产生的巨大摩擦力。其中对于“界限”这个概念的探讨,更是让我深思良久。作者并非简单地赞扬或批判某种处理方式,而是通过一系列精心构建的场景,引导读者自己去构建和审视自己的情感边界。我喜欢那种略带疏离感的叙事腔调,它使得故事的冲击力反而更强,因为它没有用过度的煽情来干扰我们对核心矛盾的判断。书中的环境描写也极为出色,那些具体的、带有时代烙印的物件和场景,成了烘托人物心境的绝佳道具,让整个故事拥有了坚实的质感和无可辩驳的真实性。每一次翻页,都像是进行了一次艰难但必要的自我对话,迫使我正视自己内心深处那些不愿触碰的软肋和矛盾点。
评分这本书的叙事结构像是一幅精美的挂毯,每一条线索都与其他线索交织在一起,却又各自闪烁着独特的光芒。作者巧妙地运用了多重视角,将主要人物的内心挣扎和外部冲突展现得淋漓尽致。我尤其欣赏作者在描绘人物情感时那种细致入微的笔触,那种处理复杂人际动态时的成熟与克制。它不像许多同类题材那样倾向于将问题简单化为非黑即白,而是深入挖掘了每个角色行为背后的动机和历史沉淀。读到中间部分,我甚至产生了一种错觉,仿佛自己就是那个在关键十字路口徘徊的主人公,那种身临其境的代入感,是很多畅销书作者穷极一生也难以达到的境界。书中的对话设计简直是教科书级别的,自然流畅,没有丝毫的刻意雕琢,却字字珠玑,推动着情节向前发展的同时,也无声地揭示了人物关系的微妙变化。那种潜藏在平静水面下的暗流涌动,被作者捕捉得精准而有力,让人在阅读时不由自主地屏住呼吸,生怕错过任何一个细微的表情或停顿所蕴含的深意。整本书读下来,最大的感受是它提供了一种近乎哲学的思考深度,关于如何接纳不完美,如何与陌生的过去和解,以及如何在既定的框架内寻找自由。
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