A BodyAbused<br > As a child， I was your basic klutz--awkward， plump and self-conscious.<br > I was convinced that when God passed out gracefulness， I had dropped<br > my share. I could hardly get across a room without bumping into some-<br > thing. I resented my body. I felt that a different， more interesting me had<br > been imprisoned in the wrong body. Somehow I had been betrayed.<br > Objectively， things probably were not all that bad. My father and<br > mother thought I was adorable. It was not as if people would look at me<br > and whisper， "Oh， my God， look at that fat little girl!" What is important，<br > though， is how I perceived myself. I felt plump and clumsy and so I be-<br > haved plump and clumsy.<br > Psychologists have learned that people s perception of themselves is<br > much more powerful in determining personality and behavior than the<br > way they actually look. I know beautiful women who consider them-<br >selves homely because when they were young their striking features<br >set them apart. I also know women who are far from beautiful in the<br >classic sense， but who take your breath away because they exude such<br >an air of confidence in themselves and their looks that we perceive<br >them as beautiful. And I know thin women who think of themselves as<br >fat， because they were fat when they were young. I was so conditioned<br >to thinking of myself as fat that later， when I was really thin， I could<br >never convince myself that I was thin enough.<br > If anyone had told me when I was a teenager that the time would<br >come when I would run several miles a day and work out until I was<br >dripping with sweat， I would have thought he was crazy. I never enjoyed<br >sports. I was uncoordinated and had little endurance. I had athletic<br >friends who kicked and dribbled， jumped and ran with seeming effort-<br >lessness， but I had no desire to join them. In fact， I welcomed the occa-<br >sional earache or cramps that gave me an excuse to skip phys. ed. I<br >liked to swim and I was a good rider， but that was the extent of my ath-<br >letic abilities and interest.<br > When I was fourteen， I went to a girls boarding school. It was there<br >that my friends and I developed a preoccupation with food. Eating<br >binges were de rigueur. In retrospect， I suppose this was a way of re-<br >lieving boredom and our budding sexual tensions. I remember bingeing<br >on coffee ice cream by the gallon and pound cake by the pound. We<br >Me， at about thirteen<br >13<br ><br >